My New Sympathy for Mario

Earlier today I was playing Super Mario Brothers 3 when my phone rang. I was a little upset because I was really into the game and was going as far as to hum along to the music and yell at the screen when those hammer throwing minions moved in an unpredictable fasion. "WHAT THE FUCK!?! YOU DON'T HAVE FREE WILL!!!".

Anyway it was a feeble sounding old lady on the phone who was trapped in her house by the ice. She was damn lucky that the Japanese invented the pause button because if I did not have the ability to return to my game later she would have been left and I would have redoubled my efforts to save that needy whore of a princess.

I walked to the woman's house humming the mario theme. I had a breif conversation about how she was trapped in her house and she was afraid of fire and other things that old people say and I don't actually listen to. I cleared a path to get her out of her house and she seemed grateful so I started walking home.

I made it about two houses down the street when someone started yelling at me from the second floor of their house. Low and behold it was an almost identical old lady who was trapped in her house and afraid of fire other things that I wasn't focused enough to pay attention to. My one year of being a boy scout took over me and I was compelled to do nice things and tie knots but seeing as I can't even tie my shoes right I got the woman out of her house.

Apparently walking down the street with a shovel is dangerous not only because I feel compelled to swing it around but also because feeble old shut-ins see it as an opurtunity to take advantage of kind ,young , stunningly atractive men. I ended up being aproached by five sympathy inspiring old woman on my five hundred foot return journey to my house and they all had the same story "The ice has trapped me in my house and I'm afraid that a fire might start."

Every time that the almost identical old woman said their almost identical plea for help I thought gee this must be what Mario must feel like when he goes out for a jog in the country side and is stopped by eight almost Identical Toadstools to preform eight almost Identical tasks for no gain except to hear "sorry mario the princess is in another castle" or in my case "oh you're such a sweet-heart, God Bless.~shuts her now functional door".